something so much larger than me, is inside of me, trying to get out of me. and i stand very still as i begin to unwrap. and through the meworld, through the collapsing temple of flesh, through the eyes of the world on a flat screen, through the tears beading on dry dead skin, i see light. "fiat lux". let there be light. i want to feel again. i want to believe again. i want to walk in the light again.
but tonight, tonight i will self medicate and wait. awake and dreaming. silent and screaming. pissing it all away. what if thats what the lesson is? i think that im right. when i gave up music and sex and drugs and art and money. i told my friends that "denial was the purest form of beauty". "fiax lux". let there be light.
(and the television flickers. soft drinks. diet plans. new cars. i need this. i need that. i feel better. tomorrow maybe, tomorrow maybe i will go shopping. or maybe not.)
funny how life imitates art. "isolation" by john lennon just came on my stereo and i know that means im done. "your just a human, a victim of the insane". lol! while he was known as a guitar player with the beatles, i think he wrote and played the most amazing piano. he was my main inspiration for playing keyboards later on in my life. im smiling. im done.