will we ever know that the truth is we want more when we need less. we need god when all we need i a hug. we need to be evied when all we need is to be smiled at.
we need to scream our angst when all we need is a hand to hold once in a while. i know these things to be true, but i am too weak and insecure to live by these thoughts.
i want to believe, but its so much easier to self medicate than smile. its so much easier to surrender to the dark than to walk, unfettered in the daylight amoung strangers. where did i go?
where is the boy who craved nothing more than experience? i dont know. and lately the sad truth is i dont care. i am starving my soul to death. and i am aware. soon.
soon, i will stop eating again. some the static and the white noise shall be all the nourishment i will need. soon. soon, i will nova. and i will burn the memories, hidden in the cheap paperback novel i call my life.
and the ashes will spiral upwards, slowly, softly, like snow in reverse. but for now, i sit and desire. i desire the burn of speed in my nose and the burn of heroin in my sleepwakingstate. i desire so many things.
truth be damned, give me pleasure.