|and then the orbit shifts. the soundtrack begins to slow and then plays in reverse. not all orbits are circular or eliptical or even completed. two weeks ago my doctor told me my scans and body and self was the best he had seen in the last year and a half. he said he was ready to release me back into the workforce within the next three weeks. i felt as brilliant as the complete beatles songbook. finally, the light at the end of the tunnel had been revealed. then the orbit changed. last week my belly distended and the pain increased and my blood pressure went up to 178 over 100. and then four days ago i broke open in two places and began bleeding again. the orbital stigmata had returned. my arms are purple from the battery of blood draws and new tests.
he thinks i may be rejecting the cadaver flesh that was used to replace my stomach wall. on friday i orbited the darkest of stars. one i had not revolved around in a long time. i sat staring at all the bottles of painkillers and thought about going home. overwhelmed and tired, i drifted, but i did not surrender. things are what they are, as they always have been. nothing really changes. just the path. the orbit. thats all that really changes. so i wait to see what i will learn next. and then the orbit changes. shadows cross my closed blinds. north korea. political assassinations in russia. the empire is burning outside my window. and here i sit, on the floor of my dining room. caught in the orbit of the living dead. cadaver flesh in my body and long dead dreams orbiting inside my head.
a halo of flies flicker against the bluest of skies. sunburnt and moonglowed, i orbit this day. one day at a time. one revolution in mind. to complete the circuit. to finish the dance. and then the orbit changes. the path rearranges.